But some days I panic at the thought of facing up to work feeling like a mess. This pretty much doesnt leave us a lot to work with- and yes, this is insurance on the healthcare exchange. I breathed such a sigh of relief since we just got notification that he has passed through the entire selection process and will need to report to HR for full time training in February. You need to leave him if he does not get a job. Heres to happiness! Ive already had 2 stress related heart attacks from work harassment and retaliation. He has anxiety and depression its the worst. I feel bad because I dont like to be this way. He was sweet and charming till he moved in on me without even asking! I found all you wonderful gals experiencing What I have been going through. I feel like committing suicide. Im not hoping or expecting to do nothing around the house I just wish he would make more of an effort. I cant afford the place we live in now by myself until I get a better paying job and rely on her little contribution from her government cheques each month. I walked out. We have a small child (5m) and I care for him (were both home due to COVID and work schedules). He feels a minimum wage job is below him and spends his entire day online, doing what I dont know. Ive also been told that I am a job hopper. im seeing a disturbing pattern here. Do you have beliefs about who should be doing what chores? Fortunately, he receives food stamps, but it does not relieve the financial pressure I am under. 4. Aside from the financial burden unemployment places on a household, a spouse who continues to work faces his or her own issues in dealing with a displaced, depressed family breadwinner. Meanwhile, my fianc who started at the right time, is still not finished has nothing to show for it, zero experience, unemployed oh and to make matters worse, he doesnt want to be a cop anymore. Its putting a strain on our relationship and I try to be encourging and supportive and do what I can at home and take care of our son but he still seems to be pulling away. My husband has been out of a full time job for 6.5 years. Their first child was born 1 year later, during whose babyhood my sister must went through periods of not having enough money in the household. The wife works long hard hours, but certainly chips in on her. Id love to go on and on, but lets just say Im jealous of women whose spouses are gainfully employed. Only you know if there's something worth salvaging with your spouse something past the money, beyond the sex, on the other side of the resentment. My husband is caring and kind. So dont give me that oh, be patient, hes having a rough time, he was abused when he was a child, blah blah blah Well you know what I say, so what. I am not going to waste what life I have left on this planet to support some mooching con artist. Once or twice he has made about $300 in a week and then will have days of no work. He is actively looking it seems. Much as I love my sister and her 3 children, i.e. My partner has always suffered with mild depression and having lost several jobs due to temper/mood swings, he has been unable to secure proper employment for 4 whole years. as i see it an sahm's role is to run the home, husbands job to provide the income and childcare should be shared. And i know my family wont let him move in with me. Emotional labor is a habit that is practiced rather than the result of a persons personality or some sort of character trait, Poss said. I also have my unemployed daughter, her unemployed husband and my 5 grandchildren living with us. Find happiness and peace in yourself, save yourself. I feel stuck and angry. Very easy when youve never ever been there.. So, I guess some people are lucky and just have never had to deal with any problems in their lives. In other words, your husband cant read your mind. You can likely get financial aid too. I have had my doubts about my sisters choice of a husband. Hes waiting to hear about a job. Six years of carrying is too long! I thankfully have a job, and keep us going. It is somewhat relieving to know that I am not alone. Staying in rented apartment. Alas, too many major wedding expenses were paid by my parents and me before I realized how bad things had gotten w/ his lack of motivation and CHRONIC laziness, and like a coward, I didnt call of the wedding. You messed up, now you got to fix it and its tough because feelings are involved games played and keep reminding yourself of what you deserve and what you want and are able to give In return, the answer will reveal itself and the thought of you hurting yourself because of some guy with two legs a penis and no sense only shows how he has got you right where he wants you. You grow., Im Sick of Being the Bad Guy in Relationships. In fact when I gave him this test he seemed to become annoyed-angry and I didnt get a vibe that he was an even tempered type of person. I just feel so alone in this time of need with nobody to talk to that would understand the stress of it all. The GoodTherapy.org Team. I really find it hard to believe too. On top of it, he has become a mean, nasty, verbally abusive man. All our savings- gone. What makes it worst is when he was homeless he was focused and doing what he needed to do. Within a week of breaking up he was chatting with a girl on okcupid and then 3 weeks later they were in love. I laugh at that because it really stinks of manipulation. I still do. Its been months since they ended it and i cant help but feel that he is only with me for security reasons n not because im the one he really wanted if gave the choice. We have two children one 19 and one 10 both still at home. It seems youre making it on your own anyway. He was supportive. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him but I do feel sorry for him. Get over it and realise that what we need is your understanding. #laughsoyoudontcry. Yes, you spent 9 months on this guy. New Alternative to Counseling. Ive tried leaving but the abuse is horrendous or he demands if I leave I pay him 2,000 a month. I just want people to understand, that I have a job and all of my income goes to support him and my children. At least he doesnt not smoke, drink or gamble or abuse. He lives of his parents hand outs and sleeps in everyday..I always worked and was emotionally supportive for him to find a job.but there was always an excuse why he can not work..now I feel sad because I thought he was a better person that he really is..shame on me for allowing this to happen for such a long time.but I was always so busy trying to earn enough to support the family, now I am exhausted and look for him to step in but he is giving me such a hard time. But you cannot change if you have a child. Housework really is a full-time job, muses my septuagenarian father. I worked part time throughout school but obviously I wasnt making anything substantial. He always complains we dont ever do anything together but doesnt alleviate any of the chores from my shoulders so we can get done and have time together. Him not driving makes his periods of unemployment even worse. If they were to jump at that opportunity now, theyd likely have to take time off for a funeral relatively soon and that wouldnt look too good. Sweetie its the guy, lets take it one day at a time and remove him from your life and figure out how he made it past your radar and anytime a guy wants to move in to your apartment Red Flag! I dont chose to do those for another 5 years and he has to champion himself, because I can only just champion me. Its just draining on me. Me being me though and depression and isolation as my bedfellows ( and bloody facebook enticing me with images of my old life), I thought I should come back to the UK to sort myself out. A few months before i went back to work after having my son, all his money was gone and he had no job. But after reading your stories I saw a pattern. He is here all the time. Women have long been annoyed that they do more housework than men, as demonstrated by many studies, but now they are really steamed. While always snarky and witty, he now hates everything. Todays standards of political correctness have left me confused. Today, my wife and children will never know the horrors that I saw and experienced because of me taking a stand. Ive never been in a situation to be a bread winner although I work 2 jobs (in the arts)and have never misrepresented myself in this regard. I think the thing that keeps me holding on is the fact that my husband cooks, cleans, and takes care of his own kids. He has been out of work for at least a year now. I have serious health issues and Im barely holding on. GET OUT!!!! He is always downstairs by himself watching tv because he hates living here so much. So by the luck of faith, I gained a full time permenant position. Now we have run through my savings and my disability pay (the only income we have) will run out in 6 weeks. Contribute to the family. Sometimes life just deals a bad hand for a while. I understand your fear about resenting your husband, even once he gets a new job, and I think youre wise to get ahead of it. Women, children and minorities are victims. Im so frustrated. He owned a small carpet cleaning company and did okay with this the first 10 years of our marriage while i worked part-time and raised the babies. I get told if he does work its going be on the weekends.. You can close.. Meanwhile, as men earn more, women spend less time . He just thinks everything will come to him I feel :/. Im here all the time. Thank you for giving me hope through your words; Miss Koru. The more she gives up, the more I feel like all the carrying Ive been doing for the last 6 years was for nothing! My husband got sick- turned out to be appendicitis, but it took the docs a year to figure it out. My problem is I have a you g child with my partner and i do not know where I would live or what work I would find, and how I could support me & my child. this is another nagging thought.is he using me because living with me is better than living homeless? They tortured him by removing his nails but he still kept himself smiling. Despite the myths you might have heard, half of American first marriages don't end in divorce. My situation was similar. and cheerleader to a traumatized, unsettled husband. When they cannot, they may be able to refer you to those who can. I really love him and have tried all the methods of encouragement, helping with starting new ventures all which led to nothing or no success or income. And if I were to attempt to suggest that he work to at least make my life slightly bearable, I risk a temper fit that may leave all of my belongings destroyed for all I know. I also worked until i had a horrible crush injury to my ankle n both bones in my leg which led to permanent social security disability income. I lost my full time job but found a part time job that barely pays the bills. If I ask him, he won't do . I am still trying to find the end and switch on the light I often ask myself what have I done to deserve this as life is not fair. Hard to do when you go to work on an empty stomach, and get criticized for being upset about it. Let it roll off. "Besides, while you're working, he's taking care of the kids and housework since he's unemployed, right?" "He doesn't seem to be contributing to the household in any meaningful way, and you need that space to work so you can keep a roof over your head and food on the table," pointed out another. Like no one else! She doesnt really even realize hes out of work. We dont have any children together but I have three from a 10 year hell. This job was supposed to pay alot and i had my hopes up that hed get it. I have supported our family solely on savings for over 3 years he got 2 small technical internship jobs which lasted only 4 months each and in the last year & 2 months we have had only 6-8 months top of his employment. he always has an excuse, I cant apply from my phone, I need to wait to talk to my supervisor to get a reference, I am anxious cause I really wanted the last job and failed at it I have always been the follow youre dreams we will make it work girlfriend, especially cause Im studying to be a lawyer and he was suppose to carry us till I graduated. HARD. and i have been many of these comments, in fact, i came to this website because this is my situation. But things does not change. Everyone including my parents tell me to leave him but i love him. My wife doesn't do anything around the house and leaves everything up My husband and I have been together for 9 years, but only married for 2, and I feel at the end of my rope again. I thought by this point in our relationship we would have changed or evolved. Usually, you just need someone who is there to listen. I get that the job market isnt great and nothing has panned out yet in his job search in his field. He has always been my rock and helped me since he hasnt been able to find a good job since the restaurant closed down. Descubr lo que tu empresa podra llegar a alcanzar. We dont go out to dinner unless someone gave us a gift card as a gift, or I earn one from doing surveys. I do not have health insurance through work, so have to go through the exchange. We may have to move back to his home state because it seems a bit easier to get work. I dont know if he will make a good father, if I will ever get back to uni, if he will ever be able to hold down even the simplest of jobs. Where do I turn? However, I made a vow. We have a little baby, thank God for breast milk otherwise my poor child will be starving.He spend most of his time on the internet watching you tube videos. He spent his time at home drinking coffee, browsing the Internet, sleeping and going to lunches or dinners with friends ( using credit cards, which my sister would have to pay later on). Oh yea and try being supportive when u know they walked out on their job. I was so trusting that when hubby phoned and said end of marriage it was a shock to me. I say discussion because it should be an ongoing, ever-evolving conversation, not a one-and-done talk that happened 15 years ago.. If I point out I am doing something, I am a monster. With a significant other, it might sound like, My partners career is more important than mine.. I need help to convince or at least show my mother that she is in this situation. Not to mention he refuses to leave the home we share. How am I going to afford a poor little baby? Im sorry. Thats what i believe. It is filed under Family. plus I dont see myself dealing with this the rest of my Iife. frikin. You are lucky you are not married to him. My husband has been unemployed for over a year and three months. I do laundry, cook, clean, watch the kid and our dog. To add insult to injury, he even implied I did it on purpose, to get fired! My parents are starting to hate him and his parents once said to me, well u arent starving. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too.Credit:Fairfax. Hes managed to stretch my salary and the last of our savings out until the end of this year. I ended up taking care of them when they were unemployed. Partners of Unemployed People: Take Care of Yourself #10: You're blamed when things go wrong. My husband works periodically, hell go for a few months or 8 at the most and then hell get laid off. Things really arent always what they seem. We have been together over half my life as well as his. What frustrates me is that when I come home sometimes, he talks about how tired he is.when he hasnt done anything to be tired from! Its not about money. I had to prod him to apply for unemployment, and when he got denied, I had to scream at him to apply for an appeal. If one person works more than the other does that mean the person who works fewer hours has to do more chores? Going on 6 years here. Laura. He recently got two speeding tickets and then broke his cell phone and had to get another. I dont like how Im treatinghim, how were growing apart or who Im turning into. He expects me to buy his gas and food, doesnt even say thank you. On top of that he pays ZERO bills in MY house, and I say my house because his name isnt on anything. I have nothing saved and I dont drive (bad accident) so I feel stuck. He probablly wont even have 5 dollars. It makes sense that relatively minor chore disparities didnt truly bother you at least not enough for you to act on it until you became the sole income earner, which comes with a lot of additional pressure. And Im sure Im not the same either much sadder, angrier, and just completely exhausted now. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. My heart is breaking because I find myself thinking what if he never ever gets hired or gets a client for web work? My boyfriend (of 3 years) and I just moved as he got accepted to a great university, and he wanted me to come along. This tore me apart. My husband has been unemployed for 18 months and the emotional Rollercoaster of his near miss job hunting has been so hard. I really believe that he does not like his job status but his actions convey a completely different message to me and I just dont know if our relationship will survive what I have witnessed. After my son left, I wanted to be free of caring for another and yet here I am. They just dont see or even appreciate a lot of people doing what they hate, day in and day out, in order to be a responsible person, paying bills and supporting the family. If I contemplate leaving, I look around, and nearly everything in this home Ive bought or made. Did i mention i have to pay for its instalment, the insurance and gas? The longer someone has been out of the general workforce the harder it is to get back into it. Right now, my prayer is to find some type of friend or community or even support group! I made it rebuilt my credit, rebuilt some savings, now looking to buy another home and live a scaled down lifestyle, but not sure I want her to come with! To make matters worse I am working in a job I hate because I cant afford to move elsewhere as I would probably have to take a pay cut and we just cant afford it. My work can be quite stressful and I feel there is no reward which makes me unhappy. All he want to do is get drunk and do music. You are not his mother, it is not your job to take care of him. Sorry, but youre just way off base here. It has tested our relationship to the limit. Not to mention the wounds caused by her burnt skin. Every time I asked someone for a ride to an interview they treated it like it was a headache and a huge inconvenience I even specifically set up interview dates and times based around their availability and still they made it out to seem like a hassle. I was treated like I was lazy and unmotivated but every time I set up an interview or wanted to go to a job far the laziness and lack of motivation on the part of other people to actually help me find work would shine through. Yet despite paying a third of the rent and none of the bills, on his days off he will just play online and just wear boxer shorts. So, the statute of limitations has passed, thus, no appeal. EVERYTHING. After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . I love him to death, but HOW LONG is too long? In trying to figure out how to let go of the bitterness, I stumbled upon this site. During that week, she still managed to clock some working hours at her employment place. Who Does the Housework? - FamilyLife He was so frustrated and yelled he couldnt even go out for one night.